Kindling Virtue: The Flame of Chastity

See how the flame dances so freely and merrily on its candle wick, glowing and growing, flickering, producing such light, and remaining upright, forever pointing to heaven.

We need heroes. We need heroines. We need men and women of all ages and stages who are willing to be witnesses to the joy of pure love and chastity. Many people view chastity as a negative thing, as a “no,” but chastity is a virtue; it’s a positive thing. It’s not so much a “no” to impurity as it is a “yes” to loving wholly and freely.

“The only way to say no to anything is to have a deeper yes,” writes Matthew Kelly in his book The Rhythm of Life on how to be the best version of yourself. Anytime we refuse ourselves some perceived good, we do so for the sake of a greater good. Anytime we say no to sin, we are saying yes to life in Christ. So for example, when you say no to drugs, you are voicing a deeper yes to respecting your body and your dignity and living a healthy lifestyle with the body that God gave you. When you say no to sex outside of marriage, you are saying a deeper yes to the permanence and fidelity of marriage. You are saying “Yes! I want to save myself for true love! Yes, I believe I am worth the wait and that my future spouse will respect me and take responsibility in loving me.” We have only to remember that deeper yes and we will find the strength to resist temptation.

G.K. Chesterton refused to view chastity as an icy holding back or as a suppression of affections. The wise Chesterton wrote, “Chastity does not mean abstention from sexual wrong; it means something flaming, like Joan of Arc.”

In this sense, chastity is a warm fire of sacrificial love, of complete surrender to God, of inconceivable affection. To be chaste is to be aflame with the love of God so as not to be consumed by its counterfeit, lust. Lust flares up, but then after a short while, is snuffed out. The only remnants are black ashes and a pit of darkness. Possessed by the love of God, St. Joan of Arc had the courage to give her life for God and even die as a martyr. After her earthly battles had been fought, she was burned at the stake, consumed by flame. In her martyrdom, she shows us that love and sacrifice are inseparable.

When singles and couples come to Jesus Christ, they find the love they seek and the love which they long to give. In the wood of the Cross, the flames of chastity are kindled. In Christ’s free, total, faithful and fruitful sacrifice, we have the example of “one like a son a man” who has trampled over sin and given us the ultimate victory. “Behold, behold the wood of the cross, / on which is hung our salvation. / O come, let us adore” (Lenten hymn).

The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines chastity as “the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being” (CCC 2337). This integration of God’s gift of sexuality within a man or woman is essential to our ability to bear fruit in whichever vocation we are called to. At the heart of every vocation is first and foremost the call to love through a giving of oneself.

How can I give of myself as an unmarried, single person? As a single adult, focusing on small acts of charity within my friendships and relationships, family and work place, I can be a conduit of God’s love. Rather than waiting for some future day to pledge myself to love freely, totally, faithfully, and fruitfully, my focus should be on loving like that in the present moment: loving my family freely, being totally the Lord’s, being faithful in my friendships, and bearing fruit in my faith. Thus, we become integrated spiritually and physically in the gift of sexuality.

Each man and woman thus integrated in their sexuality, chaste in their love, fulfill the words of St. Catherine of Siena, “If you are what you should be, you will set the whole world on fire.”

Tips for Teens on Living a Chaste Life / Saving Sex for Marriage

1. Write love letters to your future husband or your future wife. “I was true to you even before I knew you.”

2. Make a chastity commitment card or wear a purity ring. Commit yourself to living a chaste life. Sign it and have a witness sign it, too.

3. Avoid near occasions of sin. Avoid toying with the idea of sin. Pray to God to be holy and hang out with friends who are also trying to be holy and pure people. Get involved in church and youth group to meet those kind of people.

4. Make a list of the qualities you highly admire in a man or a woman – the qualities you think would make a good, loving spouse and a good father or mother to your children. Then keep that list as your reminder not to compromise or settle for less than the best of what God wants for you. If you really believe God wants the best for you, you won’t settle for less and you’ll be strong enough to avoid unhealthy relationships.

5. Seek a role model, a saint, or someone you can look up to in this matter. St. Maria Goretti and Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati are excellent models of purity.

6. Modesty – remember that how you dress and how you present yourself says a lot about who you are on the inside. Girls, respect your bodies. If you do, guys will, too. Like in the movie A Walk to Remember, if you raise the standard, any guy who is really worthy of you will meet the challenge and want to respect you.

7. Finally, “Do not stir up love before it’s time” (Song of Songs 2:7). Focus on your family and your friendships, and growing in holiness and being a saint, which will ready you for the future vocation God has for you.

The World of Books

How Historical Fiction Opened Up the World of Reading to Me

About a month ago, I found an interesting book on the library shelf titled The Most Wonderful Books: Writers on Discovering the Pleasures of Reading. It is a collection of writings from authors about the books that led them to read and write. Although I'm a bit embarrassed to say I didn't make it past the Introduction before I had to return the book, the Introduction was so insightful, leading me pleasantly down memory lane to think of the books that first changed my perception on reading, that it was worth reading in and of itself.

I remember listening to my mother read from the Western novel The Virginian. I’d watch her laugh and nod her head, comprehending things that I was barely able to grasp through my constant questioning. “Why doesn’t he speak up?" I'd ask. "Why doesn’t he draw his gun and just shoot Trampas? Why did telling such a high tale win him the admiration of his fellow brothers?”

Lots of discussion between my mother and I came from reading that book together and it became my favorite book from that time on. I would return to it five, six, seven times or more to re-read it. Each time at a new age and stage in life, I would comprehend more, and my admiration of the Virginian's character would grow as did my maturity. That book was the gateway into reading for me.

There were others, too, that sparked the reader and writer in me. One of those groundbreaking books was The Cabin Faced West, a historical fiction chapter book, relating the tale of a young girl growing up in the wilderness of the Western frontier and yearning for a friend in the large, lonely land. Given family responsibilities that she must prove herself capable of, she blossoms somewhere between childhood and maturity.

I would fancy myself as her and play dress-up. I colored, folded and glued paper together to create an old-fashioned looking diary as I thought she had. Then I’d sit, looking wistfully into the distance of a wild frontier in my imagination and then, suddenly, out of the dust a handsome, strong army officer (George Washington himself!) would come riding up on his horse and be my hero for the day.

In high school, I feel blessed to have had a curriculum that blended history and literature into one course, taking me on epic history lessons through novels such as The Red Badge of Courage, Rifles for Watie and The Virginian.

Good literature is that which stirs the storyteller in us. There was the Dear America series, fictional diaries of children from different historic time periods. Those life-like diaries brought American history to life. They brought out the writer in me, inspiring my hand to compose my own story of a pilgrim named Hope Fortune on board the Mayflower, who glimpsed America for the first time with both fear and excitement and prayed that the omen of hope in her name would take root in her soul, too.

I have often found myself in the characters who are formed by his or her natural surroundings, the landscape of place.

In novels such as My Antonia and The Virginian, characters enter the American western frontier, where their human spirit is tested by severe weather and famine, icy winters, loneliness, rustic living, dangerous wild animals and other difficulties. They are wiser because of their pilgrimage through the landscape, and they emerge more beautiful, more enduring, more truthfully human.

Which books opened up new worlds for you? What book or genre was it that changed your whole outlook on literature and made you fall in love – maybe for the first time – with reading?