Kindling Virtue: The Flame of Chastity

See how the flame dances so freely and merrily on its candle wick, glowing and growing, flickering, producing such light, and remaining upright, forever pointing to heaven.

We need heroes. We need heroines. We need men and women of all ages and stages who are willing to be witnesses to the joy of pure love and chastity. Many people view chastity as a negative thing, as a “no,” but chastity is a virtue; it’s a positive thing. It’s not so much a “no” to impurity as it is a “yes” to loving wholly and freely.

“The only way to say no to anything is to have a deeper yes,” writes Matthew Kelly in his book The Rhythm of Life on how to be the best version of yourself. Anytime we refuse ourselves some perceived good, we do so for the sake of a greater good. Anytime we say no to sin, we are saying yes to life in Christ. So for example, when you say no to drugs, you are voicing a deeper yes to respecting your body and your dignity and living a healthy lifestyle with the body that God gave you. When you say no to sex outside of marriage, you are saying a deeper yes to the permanence and fidelity of marriage. You are saying “Yes! I want to save myself for true love! Yes, I believe I am worth the wait and that my future spouse will respect me and take responsibility in loving me.” We have only to remember that deeper yes and we will find the strength to resist temptation.

G.K. Chesterton refused to view chastity as an icy holding back or as a suppression of affections. The wise Chesterton wrote, “Chastity does not mean abstention from sexual wrong; it means something flaming, like Joan of Arc.”

In this sense, chastity is a warm fire of sacrificial love, of complete surrender to God, of inconceivable affection. To be chaste is to be aflame with the love of God so as not to be consumed by its counterfeit, lust. Lust flares up, but then after a short while, is snuffed out. The only remnants are black ashes and a pit of darkness. Possessed by the love of God, St. Joan of Arc had the courage to give her life for God and even die as a martyr. After her earthly battles had been fought, she was burned at the stake, consumed by flame. In her martyrdom, she shows us that love and sacrifice are inseparable.

When singles and couples come to Jesus Christ, they find the love they seek and the love which they long to give. In the wood of the Cross, the flames of chastity are kindled. In Christ’s free, total, faithful and fruitful sacrifice, we have the example of “one like a son a man” who has trampled over sin and given us the ultimate victory. “Behold, behold the wood of the cross, / on which is hung our salvation. / O come, let us adore” (Lenten hymn).

The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines chastity as “the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being” (CCC 2337). This integration of God’s gift of sexuality within a man or woman is essential to our ability to bear fruit in whichever vocation we are called to. At the heart of every vocation is first and foremost the call to love through a giving of oneself.

How can I give of myself as an unmarried, single person? As a single adult, focusing on small acts of charity within my friendships and relationships, family and work place, I can be a conduit of God’s love. Rather than waiting for some future day to pledge myself to love freely, totally, faithfully, and fruitfully, my focus should be on loving like that in the present moment: loving my family freely, being totally the Lord’s, being faithful in my friendships, and bearing fruit in my faith. Thus, we become integrated spiritually and physically in the gift of sexuality.

Each man and woman thus integrated in their sexuality, chaste in their love, fulfill the words of St. Catherine of Siena, “If you are what you should be, you will set the whole world on fire.”

Tips for Teens on Living a Chaste Life / Saving Sex for Marriage

1. Write love letters to your future husband or your future wife. “I was true to you even before I knew you.”

2. Make a chastity commitment card or wear a purity ring. Commit yourself to living a chaste life. Sign it and have a witness sign it, too.

3. Avoid near occasions of sin. Avoid toying with the idea of sin. Pray to God to be holy and hang out with friends who are also trying to be holy and pure people. Get involved in church and youth group to meet those kind of people.

4. Make a list of the qualities you highly admire in a man or a woman – the qualities you think would make a good, loving spouse and a good father or mother to your children. Then keep that list as your reminder not to compromise or settle for less than the best of what God wants for you. If you really believe God wants the best for you, you won’t settle for less and you’ll be strong enough to avoid unhealthy relationships.

5. Seek a role model, a saint, or someone you can look up to in this matter. St. Maria Goretti and Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati are excellent models of purity.

6. Modesty – remember that how you dress and how you present yourself says a lot about who you are on the inside. Girls, respect your bodies. If you do, guys will, too. Like in the movie A Walk to Remember, if you raise the standard, any guy who is really worthy of you will meet the challenge and want to respect you.

7. Finally, “Do not stir up love before it’s time” (Song of Songs 2:7). Focus on your family and your friendships, and growing in holiness and being a saint, which will ready you for the future vocation God has for you.

Walking, Maps and G.K. Chesterton

It is good to know your purpose and destination but not to the exclusion of enjoying the journey.

The three of us were walking back to my car at 9:30 pm. We were leaving the city lights and heading towards the quiet lakefront, when I spotted Lake Michigan ahead in the bright moonlight. It called to me, so we went and watched the terrible and beautiful scene of a full moon over frozen Lake Michigan.

We walked over to the bluff-like, grassy overlook and stood on the edge of the protruding land. At our feet, it dropped off a good 20 feet to the shore and its ragged edge zigzagged dramatically to our left and right as far as we could see. Most stunning of all was the full moon, beaming brightly overhead and casting a muted glow over the water below it. Letting my eyes follow the lighted path over water, I reached the horizon. Sky and lake met there in the moonlight and shadows. We were facing the edge of what was before us and the edge of what was to come. So struck by the beauty and power of the moment, I exclaimed, “Here at the edge of all things!”

I only realized later what a fitting metaphor that was, emotionally. I was about to depart and leave these friends to experience a new adventure together. Where I was going, what was awaiting me over the immediate edge and distant horizon was a mystery. Caught up in the moment’s romance, I marveled at how nature and God seemed to dialogue with each other. And I found myself in the midst of it, gleaning supernatural truths from physical realities. How could anyone see such beauty and order in the universe and think it just chance? The power of metaphor. My greatest inspiration for what I call “metaphoric wisdom writing” comes when I’m in nature, when the elements around me are speaking their wisdom about the mysteries of God.

The ride home was an adventure. In the last two weeks, I’ve been to Milwaukee twice, and both times my directions didn’t take me the way I thought they would. While I didn’t get lost (phew!) I did miss a turn and ended up just following Farwell downtown. Not sure exactly where I’d be spit out, I just kept going, looking for signs to the freeway to let me know I was on the right path. As I passed impressive buildings like the Marcus Center for the Arts and old historic buildings aglow in golden light, I became ecstatic. Wow! Look at that! I felt like God was taking me on an adventure, showing me the city sights after the breathtaking lake scene. I was on a date night with God! And the solitude felt like a blessing. I couldn’t have seen so much of the city had I found the original street I was looking for.

I had stumbled upon amazing discoveries by not limiting myself to my agenda. “The objects of a walk are often disappointing, but the accidents are magnificent,” said G.K. Chesterton. When we open ourselves up to the possibility of discovery, we participate in the true human drama.

The next day after I returned home, I consulted a Milwaukee map to see where exactly I had “gone wrong.” I was delighted to fix my eyes on all the streets we had traversed the night before and to see their intertwining paths and destinations laid out before me. I spent quite some time pondering the map and having “Aha!” moments. I have come to the conclusion that G.K. Chesterton is right again on this subject, as he writes, “Upon the whole, it may be admitted that the pedestrian should carry a map, but he should not consult it often, and he should always cherish the thrilling and secret thought that it may be all wrong. In fact, a map should be taken chiefly because it is such a particularly beautiful thing in itself.”

If you’re interested in reading more great insights from Chesterton, I recommend the book The Wisdom of G.K. Chesterton: The Very Best Quotes, Quips & Cracks, edited by Dave Armstrong (North Carolina, 2009). His thoughts on “Walking” were written in his book The Apostle and the Wild Ducks (London: Paul Elek, 1975).

Happy travels! And have fun!